Posted in Addiction, Bad Habits, Personal Experience

Pharmacists-The Legally Licensed Drug Dealers

Considering this Opiate Epidemic we currently face—that’s been a huge societal obstacle! And the sadness of addiction is that it manifests in more ways than one, completely manipulating a persons mindset.

What makes the Opiate Epidemic one of the scariest is because these addictions typically begin at the hands of a physician. A person maybe experiencing slight pain symptoms which are most likely due to underlying health issues—instead, the pain is treated with opiates.

As long as these Doctors continue to Push these Poisons onto people, we will only continue watching the amount of addictions or opiate related deaths increase.

Oftentimes, the biggest failure occurs Systematically. The increasingly high morbidity rate associated with Opiate Abuse is alarming. As the numbers continue to climb, we can’t help but ask, “why haven’t the amount of substance abuse treatment options increased?”…..

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Posted in All About the Author, Personal Experience

Nested by a Narcissist

As someone who was raised among Narcissism, both from my mother and other close family relatives. Because of this, what I’ve noticed, learned, and lived has lead me to believe that Narcissism is without a doubt, genetically dominant if the environment favors the factors.

When I was a child, I recall my mother, along with grandmother always craving to be center of attention. When it came down to my Grandma, this was far more noticeable. However, where my mother is concerned, she was always more covert about it.

The older I got, the more I began to realize a subtle but definite pattern of behavior. There was a severe lack of empathy that existed among a lot of the women in my family—some men, too. This lack of emotion made conversation difficult, especially confiding in others.

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Posted in Addiction, Bad Habits, Personal Experience

Pharmakeia- The Sorcerer’s Spell

What exactly is “Pharmakeia”, you may ask? It is a Greek word, which translates in English to “Pharmacist”, or “Pharmacy”. The significance of this is that the Bible warns us of this in Gelatians 1; Revelation 2. The definition of the scripture is when things begin to unfold.

Pharmakeia— 1.) the use or the administering of drugs. (2.) poisoning (3.) sorcery, magical arts often found in connection with idolatry and fostered by it. (4.) metaph. the deceptions and seductions of idolatry.

Bible Study Tools

When you consider the opiates crisis that we’re facing, you can’t help but draw the connections to what the Bible is warning us of. In order to truly understand the havoc of destruction that these substances can cause upon a person, and their family.

There’s children killing parents, parents abandoning children because of drug addiction, and the spread of deadly viruses because of IV drug use. We are facing an epidemic with drugs, which is just as effective at killing as pandemics.

Then it brings you to the question, “why is the Government so set on Free healthcare? It’s the most effective way of mass addiction, legally and unsuspecting. The last person you would expect to give you something harmful is a Doctor… right?

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Posted in All About the Author, Uncategorized

Introduction of the Author

I’m a creative and expressive writer, a natural born Visionary. Aside from being a writer, I’m also a mother, a fiancé, a woman with a large heart, kindred spirit, and strong soul. Able to speak my mind through the works of my writing, hoping to bring relevant and relatable content to my readers.

Why do this?

  • To connect with others through logic, circumstance, and creativeness.
  • To offer a comprehensive outlook on my opinions, self-experiences, passions, thoughts, and viewpoints.
  • Hoping to appeal to others by pulling back the curtains, peeling back the layers, and holding nothing back!
  • Aiming to provide a platform for open discussion and relatable content to connect with others on a personal level.
  • My goal is to set a tone to my blogs that is informational, helpful, and an outlet for others to speak their truths without fear of judgment.

We live in a world that tends to sugarcoat the facts, shelter our right to free speech, and choose the concept of censorship. With so many things evolving, the one thing that seems to be failing is our ability to connect to others on a deeper level. Whether our freedom be feared or forgotten, it’s hardly practiced.

I want to introduce myself as a mother of 2 young daughters, a happily engaged woman whose been lucky enough to have found my soulmate, and someone who finds my way through words. I hope to replenish and renew hope itself, and create a blog that appeals to all.

I want to remind others of the fundamental foundation we as people are blessed with, and that’s the freedom to speak your mind! I plan to blog about a variety of topics, among those will be addiction, socialism, trending beauty & health tips, parenting, politics, religion, and spirituality.

Welcome everyone, from all walks of life. I am happy that for one reason or another you’ve come across my blog. I aim to connect with everyone, and ask in advance that everyone have an open mind, as we dive into some sensitive topics. By choosing to include my personal views or opinions of religion, politics, and personal experiences, I’m aware of how passionate some can become towards these topics. I just ask that this be a place where peace of mind is exercised, where judgment is left behind, and if you don’t agree with what I have to say then that’s fine, because you don’t have to. All I ask is that you kindly agree to disagree, and keep the negativity to yourself. Please acknowledge the difference between patronizing vs passion when it comes to expressing your thoughts and opinions.

As a beginner to blogging and WordPress, I’m learning as I go and will slowly begin updating my blog as I become more familiar with everything. Being a mother of 2 little girls is obviously where most of my focus and time goes, so I don’t get to write as many blogs as I’d like, but I try to write at every opportunity I’m given.

Once again, welcome everyone! Follow me along my journey from turning an idea into a goal, putting my thoughts into action as I build a brand. This won’t be a brand aimed towards the sole purpose of revenue, but a brand based on building upon honesty, communication, connection, and transferring my passions to paper… or to keyboard, I should say.

Unlimited conversation with no specific topics, mostly centered around my personal experiences, triumphs, losses, wins, weaknesses, strengths, and opinions. Hoping to strike a chord by my willingness to openly discuss some sensitive and uncomfortable issues, without a filter or mask. Bearing my soul, undressing my reality, and inscribing exactly what I feel, or have experienced.

Well, I guess I should include a couple things you might notice or find when it comes to my blogs.

  • A tendency to write long blogs due to my overly expressive nature. However, I tend to make my titles speak volumes, so you know exactly what you’ll find within that blog.
  • I consider myself a highly extroverted extreme introvert; a walking contradiction at times due to my paradoxical nature.
  • Honesty is the best policy; I can guarantee to always be truthful with my readers, and upholding the integrity of individuality.
  • I will put my best efforts into only adding validated resources, unless said otherwise.
  • I must warn that most of my content is for a mature audience, and will discuss topics such as sex, drugs, etc. and sometimes the use of profound language. I’m a pitty mouth, but I’m trying to work on it.

As i previously stated, I will add more to my site as I begin to lean along the way. I plan on creating a newsletter you can sign up for, as I hopefully grow a decent sized audience and support system. I’m open to constructive criticism, or preferably friendly pointers on any suggestions you may have.

Taking the advice of WordPress as I write this— just start writing, and worry about editing it later. As I’m sometimes plagued with writers block, it can be extremely frustrating when I have so much I would love to write about, but can’t even seem to find the right words. Then on the other hand, there’s those times when the thoughts are just flowing, but you don’t have time to write… another frustrating feeling!

However, I’m going to wrap this up. Not trying to babble on and bore anyone before they even get to the good stuff. Please, subscribe to my blogs, and a newsletter I will hopefully be bringing to you soon. Join me on this path to becoming a blogger, using WordPress as my current platform and hopefully growing from here.

Thank you.

Posted in Addiction, Bad Habits, Personal Experience

The Hurt of Help; Side Effects of Suboxone

I understood myself only after destroying myself. And while in the process of fixing myself, did I know who I really was.”

For over 10 years now, I’ve been on Suboxone therapy—not exactly much of a “therapy”. I will say, I’ve found Suboxone to be somewhat of a cure for the physical symptoms. However, it does absolutely nothing for Rehabilitation!

This medication is a crutch to get by with—a temporary solution to a permanent problem…. Meanwhile, The DEA & FDA refuse to deal with the Opiate Epidemic! having no issue misusing their authority to

When it comes to the DEA & FDA, I believe there’s major flaws and corruption within the task force, or organization. The Food & Drug Administration places far too many unnecessary restrictions. However, these organizations haves track record of authorizing clearance on dangerous and toxic substances.

Unfortunately, for some people the hurt lies in the help, the temptation in the treatment. While this therapy has helped many, it’s also hurt many as well. Let me begin by telling my story of addiction, and explain how I believe Suboxone is a double edged sword. Having some thin lines between crutch, cure, and cause…

As the saying goes, “Sometimes, you have to fight fire with fire.” In this case it would be fighting addiction with addictive. Anyone who has struggled with addiction, especially opiate addiction knows firsthand how terrible it is! I can’t think of a word that could even sum it up into just one, because opiate addiction comes with many words to be labeled as.

My addiction began without Internet or understanding what was to come, only taking a little over a week of recurrent methadone use to become physically dependent. Before I even had a chance to begin understanding what was happening, it was too late!

My habit began back when I was about 18 years old, now going on about 12 years ago. I began dating a guy who was prescribed “Methadone” for pain management due to a severe car crash he suffered on his way home from work a few years prior. Well, the guy happened to be a longtime friend of my aunt’s, he was about 10 years older than me, making him 28 at that time.

After a long, messy breakup from the mother of his 2 daughters, he had returned back to Michigan from Arizona, and dropped in to see say “hello” to my aunt. As he dropped in more frequently, it became apparent it was more about seeing me, and less about catching up with an old friend.

One night, out of boredom, my aunt and I decided to hangout with him, and after some heavy drinking he’d offered us a couple of his methadone pills. This had been the first time I’d ever taken an opiate that strong , but was already so intoxicated that I couldn’t tell you much about the effects. The next morning i had a hangover, and a severe headache, waking up at his apartment.

Because of my headache, he had offered me a couple more methadone, which is when I first realized it’s overly strong effects—as I was nauseous, puking in the toilet, and soon enjoying my first time ever sleeping so sound! As someone whose struggled with depression, anxiety, ADHD, PTSD, a little OCD, and bipolar—sleep had never come the easiest to me, often experiencing mania or restlessness. However, taking methadone, I could sleep for hours!

The first time I took methadone, I wasn’t thrilled about it other than the ability it gave me to sleep. Over the course of the next couple months, I’d developed a relationship with this guy, eventually moving in with him.

My opiate addiction started out with an intense want for methadone due to it’s effects I enjoyed such as good sleep, somehow a spike of energy it gave me, and an overall sense of feeling good. It was because of how good it made me feel that I began asking for it more. And within the course of taking it daily for a couple week period, is when the horror began!

It all became noticed this one time when he had ran out, and I found myself unable to take any methadone. During this time, I also found myself more restless than ever before, becoming extremely agitated that I was unable to get comfortable or fall asleep.

After an agonizing night of restless legs and body, tossing and turning without being able to sleep, still I had not put 2 & 2 together. It wasn’t until later that next day, when my ex gave me a couple “Morphine” pills he’d gotten, and I suddenly felt okay that I realized what was going on. I had become a unknowingly but willingly participant in my own opiate dependence!

Once I began to realize this, I was completely disappointed with myself because I knew this wasn’t going to be any kind of ordinary fight, or easy battle! Although, once I had experienced just a taste of not having opiates, I never wanted to be without them again! So it became a habit due to the enjoyment I felt when taking opiates, but also due to the discomfort I suffered when not taking them, and to avoid feeling that awful feeling at all costs.

As time began to go on, I was enjoying the high before ever considering the consequences. After being with my ex for a little over a year, he ended up going to prison for murder—which is a long story I will have to get into in another post—but once he went to prison I lost access to having opiates, and this is one the realization of what I’d gotten myself into had become apparent.

So here I was, not really chasing just a high anymore, but trying to subside the symptoms of opiate withdrawal—the sickness and pain that comes with it. Finally, I’d decided to join the “Suboxone Program” to avoid the sickness. And just like most addicts do, they’ll still continue to use when they can, but resort to treatment when they can’t. For about 2 years into Suboxone treatment I still continued to use opiates when available.

Then I’d been faced with being kicked out of my Dr office due to failure to comply with the program—maintaining clean urines, and keeping appointments since you’re only prescribed enough to last up until your following appointment. Not showing up to visits is pretty obvious you’re using, because when you feel that way you’re going to avoid it in any way you can—by keeping your Dr appointments when your medicine is due.

After enduring withdrawal for a few weeks, I’d finally found another Dr accepting my insurance for their Suboxone Program. However, being pregnant with my second child—high risk as it gets, especially with my first being born at only 23 weeks due to a hemorrhage, and incompetent cervix—this required me to take all preventative measures to avoid premature labor, which opiate withdrawal can cause.

With my first pregnancy, I was placed on the other brand of Suboxone, called “Subutex”, which is Buprenorphine, the main ingredient in Suboxone, along with Naloxene—the antagonist, an opiate blocker which is combined with the opiate, Buprenorphine to prevent it’s high-like effects. I was told there wasn’t enough research conducted on pregnant women taking Subutex. However, with Suboxone, the opiate blocker is said to have potential long-term effects.

Speaking of long-term effects, Suboxone carries it’s own list. Some effects aren’t listed on the drugs side effects, or they weren’t at the time I began taking Suboxone, since this medicine had been fairly new on the market. I will list the side effects in order of which they occurred, or were noticed…

  • Severe headaches—told the “Naloxene”, the opiate blocker can cause this from the way it enters the pain receptors in the brain.
  • An increase in acid reflux, which I’d had prior to taking the medicine but it became more frequent and severe.
  • An extremely premature labor with my first child, said to be the result of an antepartum hemorrhage and incompetent cervix. However, having to take a medication like this during pregnancy to avoid fetal withdrawal will always raise questions in my mind.
  • A sudden loss of enamel, and beginning of regular tooth decay. The decay begins from the inside of the tooth, starting at the gum line or root of tooth. This isn’t a reported side effect, but there’s many people dealing with the same consequences after taking Suboxone for a year or longer.
  • Weakening of your bones, joints, and muscles. Not sure if this is a reported side effect, but it seems to have been one for me.
  • Last but not least—chemical dependence. This is often given as a treatment to opiate dependence, but can also lead to physical dependence—because of it’s opiate properties from the Buprenorphine in it.

I’m sure there’s plenty of other side effects not listed, but this is what I’ve personally dealt with, or I’m dealing with now. Suboxone is similar to snake venom in the way that it possess the same chemicals—consisting of an opiate to treat opiate addiction. A way of treating withdrawal since methadone was first introduced for heroin detox and withdrawal.

Coming from someone whose taken both, I can’t really say which is worse because they’re both bad in the same way. However, Suboxone is advertised and pharmaceutically considered as a safer method to opiate addiction than Methadone. It’s said to have fewer side effects, but honestly I don’t notice a difference in neither. They are both long acting chemicals for the purpose of avoiding withdrawal.

The difference is that methadone is a synthetic opiate, while Suboxone consists of both an opiate protagonist and antagonist. With the combination of an opiate and opiate blocker, it binds to pain receptors to block out other opiates from being used in combination—leading to precipitated withdrawal if taken with an opiate. Since it basically blocks receptors, it will combat with any other opiates either taken before or after a certain time frame of taking the SUBOXONE itself.

It’s because of Suboxone’s long half-life in your body that makes it so effective, but for this same reason it also has it’s lasting side effects. Personally, it comes down to will and war—are you willing to wage war against your addiction? Only if you’re truly willing to stop using opiates. It comes down to a personal decision and a lot of soul searching.

Having an addiction is the biggest war you’ll probably ever face, because aside from the uncomfortable physical torment you experience, there’s a mental one, too. These substances cause so many chemicals in the brain to change, which is usually what leads to the addiction in the first place—that feel good kind of feeling, which leads to emotional warfare, extreme depression, and a disturbance in the brains chemistry.

Every poison has it’s purpose, but just remember; venom is toxic for a reason, because it’s deadly, but in the right hands it can become lifesaving in creating an antidote. Please, anyone who reads this, if you still have the chance to avoid chemical dependence, do it! One time of fun will forever be my biggest regret, and if I could take it all back then I would.

So please, learn to be a little more understanding towards those battling addiction—it’s not a choice, it’s a consequence. People don’t just wake up and decide to be drug addicts, things happen that lead them down this path. For most, it’s too late to take it all back, there’s no coming back because it took their life! If you know anyone who is battling addiction, my prayers go out to them. For those who sadly lost their battle, my heart goes out to their loved ones, and may they R.I.P

I will be attaching some links to this post about Suboxone, and some resources for those seeking help with their addiction. Be strong while you still have a chance to be, be willing before it’s too late for you!

Sometimes, it’s good to know you’re not alone, because having a support system can be the difference between help and hurt. I’m going to list a couple quotes I’ve found helpful during my struggle with addiction that helped me restore my faith.

  • God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”
  • “I’m grateful I struggled so much. Because if I hadn’t, I might never have become the empathetic and courageous person I am today.”
  • “The mentality and behavior of drug addicts and alcoholics is wholly irrational until you understand that they are completely powerless over their addiction and unless they have structured help, they have no hope.” -Russell Brand