Posted in Addiction, Bad Habits, Personal Experience

Pharmakeia- The Sorcerer’s Spell

What exactly is “Pharmakeia”, you may ask? It is a Greek word, which translates in English to “Pharmacist”, or “Pharmacy”. The significance of this is that the Bible warns us of this in Gelatians 1; Revelation 2. The definition of the scripture is when things begin to unfold.

Pharmakeia— 1.) the use or the administering of drugs. (2.) poisoning (3.) sorcery, magical arts often found in connection with idolatry and fostered by it. (4.) metaph. the deceptions and seductions of idolatry.

Bible Study Tools

When you consider the opiates crisis that we’re facing, you can’t help but draw the connections to what the Bible is warning us of. In order to truly understand the havoc of destruction that these substances can cause upon a person, and their family.

There’s children killing parents, parents abandoning children because of drug addiction, and the spread of deadly viruses because of IV drug use. We are facing an epidemic with drugs, which is just as effective at killing as pandemics.

Then it brings you to the question, “why is the Government so set on Free healthcare? It’s the most effective way of mass addiction, legally and unsuspecting. The last person you would expect to give you something harmful is a Doctor… right?

Continue reading “Pharmakeia- The Sorcerer’s Spell”
Posted in Uncategorized

Conspiracy or Apparently; Separating Facts from Fiction

Considering our current situation—facing a pandemic, a new kind of election, shining light on racial inequality & systemic issues. These very things have been going on, wrecking havoc on everything! Many of them are very sensitive topics, and I will keep that in mind as we discuss exactly what’s occurring in our generation as of now.

Starting off with this pandemic that’s struck so many people with tragedy, turning our lives completely upside down! For years, generations even, we’ve been lucky enough to be in the clear any of deadly viruses or pandemics. That is until hell broke loose when this Coronavirus happened to spread worldwide. When it comes to potential threats, we have always been prepared, but nothing could prepare us for this type of threat.

It began as a couple people infected over in China, until my job began bringing in “WARNING” pamphlets. That is when I began my research into this monster, and began to unfold many layers surrounding this situation. We were first informed that this began in a wet-market in China, but soon after followed the information that it accidentally escaped from the “Wuhan Virology Lab”. This is when red flags went off letting me know this would be the one thing that actually would cause me to question my own empathic vibes.

After a lot of second guessing, self-rationalization, and inner turmoil is when I began to feel fear; as a mother I tussled with how to feel about this pandemic—never denying it was really happening, but never really noticing anything to correlate to the severity claimed on mainstream.

As someone who lives in Michigan, this bug came along and shut my entire stare down—still never been the same since. As we all grasp at straws, waiting for them to lighten up on their rules and mask regulations. However, it’s been going on long enough to have self-adjusted, and disagreeably accept, coming to terms with the obvious—the world as we once knew it, well it’s dead & gone. And this current state of confusion, control, and change is founded on what had become of us rather than what we were. A foundation forged in falsehood will surely be built on deceit.

These troubling and tumultuous times have lead to plenty of rumors, many of explanations, and many more unexplained events—but never arriving to a satisfactory answer. Usually, if things don’t add up right it’s because the truth is missing from the equation. What sticks out most, making this scenario worth questioning? The media’s overt attempt to exaggerate circumstances to implant fear into people, why? Because when people know what you fear, you’re the easiest to be controlled.

Yes, I know. This all probably sounds like some conspiracy theory—made up to enhance the appealing nature of this matter. Regardless, whether you may think I’m a Conspiracist or not, I’m also a researcher by nature; prone to questioning things, and analytical enough to arrive to different conclusions. However, no matter what possibility I’d conceived, none of them seemed to add up to a natural disaster…

Although, accept for one; The overflowing population of China adding more people inhabiting larger spaces—chasing animals out of their natural born habitats and into other animals territory. Ultimately, leading to the one animal consuming another’s excrement, containing parasitic properties that form into a cross breed of live mutated antibodies. From this point on, the virus is then passed from animal to human, and so on.

However, the issue with that theory is this virus did not begin naturally, and was actually released from a lab. This Wuhan Virology Lab, specializing in studying bat-born viruses. If that’s not coincidental enough, so is the patent that the lab had from the Obama Administration to conduct live virus testing. But to add even more weight to the theory it was intently released is the fact that this virus is man-made in the way it attaches to the T-cells of a human’s immune system. It’s kind of ironic thinking back to how Dr. Debra Birx had been assigned to the US task force in helping find a cure.

The reason it’s so ironic is because Dr Birx specializes in AIDS Research. The significance of this is that the way HIV & AIDS attaches to the human T-cell is almost identical in which the way Coronavirus does, too. Another thing that stuck out to me was the time that this virus was released, right after the Democrats had failed with their impeachment attempt.

That sure is a lot of coincidences to not be related or occurring as a result. I personally feel that there’s too many close calls to not connect the dots, and begin questioning this rather sketchy scenario. The Democrats were so set on trying to sabotage our President, Donald J. Trump that they were willing to do whatever they had to. This virus was their last ploy, because America is known for always trying to pin the responsibility somewhere—rather than accepting the fact that these are the laws of nature, not the control of man.

Once the pandemic began, then the fight for racial equality had made itself heard. So many peaceful protestors— many outraged rioters as well, which lead to committing unnecessary acts of looting, violence, and chaos. This all began among corruption against a flawed systematic injustice. These protests were intended to shine light and put a stop to systemic racism. However, there’s always those who have to ruin it for others—the rioters, looters, and pillagers who used this movement to justify their motive, destroying properties and stealing merchandise. After all this was said and done, there wasn’t any undoing it.

For so many people to willingly blame our President, Donald Trump for everything that played out is completely absurd! When lines are so blurred, it’s hard to tell which one to draw a conclusion to. It’s so beyond my comprehension that it’s mind-boggling, and completely ridiculous. When I heard mainstream media making connections between former Presidents, Trump & Bush—this is when I began comparing the two…

The similarities aren’t identical, but the intent and impact have things in common. It’s almost like a system glitch—gotta add one in every now and then to reset the stakes. These radical leftists will stop at nothing to Globally Reset the economy, the world.

As if we hadn’t been globally impacted enough during the Trump Administration—we were dealt blow after blow of systematic failures. Instead of us blaming the System, however blame was shifted onto one man. America’s Most Hated Man, President Donald J. Trump… and his administration.

Sadly, this is what has come of our Democracy. We are living in the Gray Ages—no longer is there black or white, there’s a New Gray Area

So let’s just break this down for a minute into how it all has played out, and makes for some rather tough points to argue against…

  • Trump wins Presidential race against Hillary Clinton—also, came close to being too close to call.
  • Nancy Pelosi declares an attempted impeachment—failed! And didn’t do anything but cause more tension for her.
  • Coronavirus spreads from mainland China to the US—declaring pandemic.
  • A nation wide shutdown is declared, including international travel—something Biden did not support doing at first. And if or when he’s in office, he will be hesitant to make certain tough decisions that could’ve saved lives.
  • During this shutdown, the death of George Floyd sparks racial debate and tensions—Trump labeled racist and seen as guilty to some for this injustice
  • Rioters, looters, and pillagers strike up debate on police funding reform—creating uncontrollable chaos and tensions among society
  • A feud begins when the true source of this outbreak is revealed—causing Trump to declare defunding of the WHO

While all these things were occurring, and being reported from every mainstream outlet known—there was a horror unfolding with busts on child sex-traffickers. However, this didn’t quite catch the focus of these news outlets. They still continued to follow coverage of other issues, but arrests made in connection to an illegal sex-trafficking operation—including high-profile Celebrity actors? Somehow, news of this was only able to be found by self-researching through the online sources.

Soon after, popular platforms such as YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, and Google began monitoring people more heavily—blocking their posts or temporarily suspending & locking their accounts. All of this was done in attempt to filter content, only reporting what they want you to see. As long as you choose to use these Big Tech Companies such as…

  • Google
  • Microsoft, Bing
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Instagram

I actually used to be Democratic until I began learning more about what Democracy represents. They are leftists with socialistic views, tend to be appealing by telling us what we want to hear to earn our votes. I find it so condescending when I hear these Democrats bring up topics such as racial equality—it’s evident that race only matters to them when a vote is involved.

The election and second term of Barrack Obama is an example of the obvious abandonment of the traditional values our Country was founded on. In order to further entertain and support this idealistic way of thinking known as socialism. A lot of Obama’s votes were produced out of this twisted Idolatry way of thinking. He was no longer our President, he was more like our idol.

Towards the second term of Obama, it was made pretty evident that he wasn’t even an American citizen—That he had actually presented falsified birth records and proof of citizenship. Yet, most people were so stuck on the idea of having a “black President” that they didn’t even concern themselves with these allegations, regardless of their importance.

That’s very scary, and sends the message loud & clearly—that even foreigners fit the bill, as long as their looks and popularity meet the status quo. This radical way of thinking threatens everything our nation is founded on, in order to simply meet the requirements of the New Era.

In a world consumed of deceit, thriving on what’s appealing over what’s appalling, and without regard to integrity; it will only go downhill from here. So as I introduce these concepts to you—rather you believe them—is not the concern anymore. The concern rests heavily upon popular choice, and less on honest opinion. We are faced with a world that rules Vice over virtue, and once you take away fear of God, because the entire belief has been eliminated, that’s when evil has entered it’s darkest moment.

We are living in pure Hell on earth. We have already dug ourselves the pit, and left the light at the door—left and lost at the door step a long time ago…

Posted in Uncategorized

Socialism; All in Favor

What has become of our society? We have swayed away from doing what we know is right, and instead we act on what we think is accepted. There’s those who don’t truly agree, but for the sake of avoiding debate, or becoming one of “the odd ones out”, they pretend to. It is by simply choosing not to be different that we’re choosing to be all the same.

We are no longer America; the land of the free and home of the brave. We have become the “Generation Z”, bribed with this idealistic theory that being radical is being right. We shoot first, and ask questions later. We are fed freedom while we fuel favor, breeding propaganda because we thrive on popularity. We have set ourselves up for failure while trying to achieve freedom.

A chain is only as strong as it’s weakest link. The fear of public scrutiny has silenced the fate of humanity. We have become so stuck on meeting the status quo, realizing the only labels are the ones we choose to give, live, and enforce. The problem lies in this systematic belief to follow in favor, but it’s in trying to fit where we all fall apart.

United we stand; Divided we fall”—Wake up world! We are being programmed to public opinion, poisoned with propaganda, and have essentially become prisoners of our own participation and free-will.

The mainstream media is destructive, not informative. Especially, when the world is primarily consisted of far more followers, and not enough leaders; Not many willing to stand up for what’s right, or defend their beliefs. There’s far too many people playing along, accepting everything they hear on TV, and never questioning it. The world is so asleep that they aren’t aware enough to be alerted that something is very off.

On the verge of warpath, chaos, famine, wrath, greed, socialism, corruption, and plain evil in it’s most darkest form. With all those things erupting on the surface, and harnessing this ideal that there is no God—having no one above you to fear means there’s nothing around you to feel guilty about. The absence of guilt awaits the birth of brutality…

A world so set on empty makes it hard to ever feel fulfilled. No glory is no guidance, have mercy on some of those who may be lost, for we are all lost—We are all in the same game, just different levels, dealing with the same hell, just different devils.

As the blind leads the blind, and we continue marching on, we become restless souls attempting to find our way out of the abyss; the light that leads the way is entrapped by the darkness we create. We are enslaved by our false convictions, a conduit for bad behavior, and even worse decisions.

Welcome to the New World Order; Universal healthcare so that way the Government can ensure we’re all doped up on these synthetic medications given to us by these Doctors. It’s a system, and everyone serves a purpose and plays a part in this System….

The Beast System—A universal globalization of society under one government, one God or religion, and the incorporation of a one-way belief System. The scripture also speaks of “Mark of the Beast”, which most people believe this is speaking of a visible chip or tattoo on a person’s lefthand or forehead.

When speaking of the Mark of the Beast, in Revelations—the Bible scriptures may have been referring to an invisible mark that only God can see.

The Mark of the Beast —

The saddest part of all is that we have become so preoccupied with the distractions placed around us, we fail to see what’s in front of us. If you go looking hard enough for something, you just may find it. Instead of laying back, allowing things to happen while you’re stuck being sucked into this disaster. It’s all about Money, Fame, Fortune, and most of all power!

The thing about power is that it only holds weight when we add to it. We have been fundamentally brainwashed, our entire belief system broken down—thought by thought, piece by piece, we all fall down…

We have voted for a man without a plan to be President during a worldwide pandemic, and fight for racial equality. I’m afraid that soon I’ll be saying, “I told you so”. This is the makings of America—allowing the radical beliefs and opinions corrupt our judgement of character. The same man who stood up for us, while being publicly scrutinized along with his entire family. And why?

The answer is so simple, if you’re awake. Yet, so complex to those who aren’t so aware because their ability to coherently think has been dumbed down, and diluted; polluting it with a political poison, promoted by public opinion, radical rumors, controlled outcome, and an urge to choose what’s left over what’s right. You are being tampered with, damaged to the very core of comprehension.

It’s fair to say that nothing is ever truly fair. This life is no fairytale, no happy farewell. It is the makings of the life created to prosper. There would not be such a supply of socialism if there wasn’t a decent amount of demand for it. However, you will reap what you sow, lose what you love, love what you lose, and face the consequences of what you choose.

We must refuse to allow anyone to govern or harness power over you—your thoughts, your ideas, hopes, dreams, nightmares, wishes, or fears. As humans, we lose our very essence of who we are, and what we set out to accomplish. It is human nature to be born different; possessing your own unique characteristics, choosing to think your own thoughts, and feel your own emotions. “Don’t deny yourself that chance trying to sacrifice yourself to change for someone else’s beliefs!”.

Whether you share the same sights, or opposite views—you are what makes you, YOU! And who are we to judge how others think or feel? It is not our place to fill, or feel we are in any position other than equal. To each it’s own—Individuality requires independence of thinking, and ability to lead with your heart, not follow with your conscience. But to believe exactly what you’re told without questioning it first is a bit reckless—to assume only makes “an ass out of u & me”. This is why courage must take it’s course, to be the push behind the force. The heart is what sparks the thought, but the courage is what makes the flames.

As a society we truly need to come together, so those who blindly closed their hearts can now open them up to the truth. It’s not too hard to see when you take your heart out of it for a second, allowing your mind’s logic to lead the way. You should always consider every statement a question before accepting it as a fact. Every story has 2 sides, I view it as having 3—yours, theirs, and the truth. The closest thing to fair is at least opening your mind more to the possibility that there’s always more than meets the eye. The only judgement that could be seen as justice is those who allowed the possibility of being proven wrong.

Don’t refuse to change your mind until you’ve earned the chance. There’s plenty of clues leading to a possibility of more evidence—just need to come to terms with the situation at hand. Instead of always pointing out the differences, we can finally begin acknowledging the similarities. With so many issues going on back-to-back, it makes for an easy distraction of the truth. We are repetitively poisoned by mainstream media, as this socially aimed and engineered program is being implemented—formatted and structured based upon our own human desires. There are just far too many coincidences that have occurred since they attempted to impeach TRUMP, and failed miserably… That fails, and a pandemic is released, leaving a highly uncontrollable situation up to Trump to figure out. Then criticizing him in how he chooses to handle it. No one really takes into consideration the fact he has been out on the frontlines, handling it—taking care of business. Where has the “man without a plan” aka Biden been during this situation? Hiding, in his basement. Once in office, soon to make wearing masks a mandatory thing. I mean China has been wearing masks way before we ever had to. It’s things like this that would make you begin connecting the dots, holding coincidence up to commonality.

A pandemic stemming from the first outbreak that supposedly began in a wet-market in China—later learned to have been leaked from a lab. So you begin asking if it was intentionally released, or accidentally? Then you begin coming across certain facts such as the U.S. patent made with China to study bat-born illnesses including Coronavirus strains. It may cross your mind similar to how it did mine; remembering how I had always thought it was weird seeing people living in China that were wearing face masks. Then I begin watching mainstream news to look for clues, and begin realizing how much of an intentional distraction it’s setup to be.

Always do your research, especially when it relates to any type of Power. It is in positions of power where corruption is found most. The biggest corruption of all is their attempt to tear society apart by spreading wars and rumors of wars. The media played along by re-imaging and painting a false image of our President—making radical statements, twisting his words entirely out of context, and labeling him biased based on what you chose to believe or accepted as true.

It is in our blood, and it’s in our history, to allow our personal opinions of someone get the best of our character. Sometimes, you just don’t like someone without ever having a clear reason why. That’s your right to feel that way, but it shouldn’t be your right to influence or manipulate others to agree. Especially, by means of slander with unproven or non-factual events. I believe spitting on a person’s image or shitting on their name or legacy is petty, and a low blow, cheap shortcut to socialism.

Socialism; (in Marxist theory) a transitional social state between the overthrow of capitalism and the realization of Communism.

Radical; In political science, the term radicalism is the belief that society needs to be changed, and that these changes are only possible through revolutionary means.

This post is not intended to spark tension, and is poorly intended as an outlet to vent—a place to freely and openly rant. I do not practice socialism, I don’t conform nor concede to what’s popular, but unequivocally to what’s right, or appears to be.

WARNING: Unpolitically incorrect! I will be first to state the obvious, and recognize the potential wrongs.

Below, I would like to share some interesting links to sources related to this post. Thank you for hearing me out, whether you agree or not. If you’re able to look past the political views, and see the person in me; I give a shout-out to y’all for not judging the opinions, and instead understanding the character.

Posted in Uncategorized

The Aftermath of Addictions Path

Walking the Tightrope; Crutched or Cured?

Lesser of Two Evils- Devils in the Details

There’s no permanent cure, just a temporary crutch. Medical science has implied that the answer lies in prescription drugs. Introducing us to our replacement, trading our habit for a different one. The havoc our habit wrecked upon our bodies, now we must look for even more significant side effects to come. The war on drugs- First, turned in our bullets; now handed us the guns.

The Real American Horror Story;

In a Bottle.

We are told that scary comes in a mask at night. However, the truth is it comes disguised in medication bottles, labeled as treatment or pain relief. A pill as small as a penpoint, yet as deadly as a virus—but deadlier, because it appears the opposite. The orange bottle wouldn’t really raise red flags, although it should. Before you realize it, this bottle takes ahold of your life, or even worse—your child’s life. As a thief in the night, it comes quickly without notice, wrecking havoc on whoever crosses its tempting little path.

With the rising numbers of opiate related deaths, hospitalizations, or deaths; If you haven’t become concerned by now, you should. It can turn your entire world upside down! The son with so much potential to become a pro-football player, or the daughter on her way to becoming a Doctor will soon become the drug addict who got kicked off the team, or the user who needs a Doctor.

As parents, we raise our child thinking we have prepared them for everything—thinking we have dodged a bullet. All along the real enemy waits silently, as it continues claiming more innocent lives. What’s the cure you ask? Well, unfortunately there isn’t exactly a treatment to take it all away, but there’s a management for the withdrawal symptoms.

It’s called Suboxone, but it’s a prescription itself. I guess it is what most people would consider irony. However, as the saying goes, sometimes you have to fight fire with fire. And much like a venomous bite, the primary treatment is anti-venom, using the same toxins but differently. Some may consider this a crutch and not a care, but for others it’s become the answer to leaving opiates alone for good—except for an occasional relapse, for some. But in order to be successful it requires determination, strength, and will-power. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.

This is how I would describe opiate addiction, and its treatment. At least, for me it has been this way. I notice a lot of mixed feelings and opinions with the use of Suboxone for opiate maintenance. Again, the keyword is maintenance, because it isn’t something that just goes away unless you stay away from it. It is a choice you have to make every day, and it will be the consequences of the choice you made when using opiates. It is unfortunate because no one wakes up, choosing to be a drug addict—but regardless of what has led you here, the course of treatment remains the same.

Everyone has their reasons, mistakes, regrets, and consequences to face. I face mine every single day I wake up, taking Suboxone to avoid withdrawal symptoms; Not because I want to chase a high, or enjoy it. Although, not everyone can say the same, because for some it has been Suboxone that lead to their addiction. With its chemical ingredients being half opiate antagonist (blocker), and the other half being a protagonist (partial opiate), it possesses enough potential to become a habit in the wrong hands.

I have been on this medication for over 10 years now—attempting to go cold turkey more than twice, but after over 2 weeks of withdrawal symptoms not subsiding, it has been hard to get off of! However, it has also been years since I have last used an opiate other than Suboxone with the sole intent of avoiding the uncomfortableness and agonizing feeling of withdrawal. The downside is the other problems the Suboxone has caused me, such as tooth decay, severe headaches, increased acid reflux, and far more fragile bone density.

Of course, as anyone would be, I am concerned with the long-term effects of Suboxone. Yet, Im faced with the option of suffering through detox, which could take longer than a couple weeks. I was always under the assumption that it only took 2 weeks to detox, but I have learned it also depends on the person, and type of opiate you have been using.

So, answering whether Suboxone is a crutch or cure totally depends on the person. However, Suboxone has opiate like effects because of its partial opiate properties, and obviously you are using it to manage. With everything taken into consideration, I would have to say it leans more towards being a crutch than a cure. And it also to blame for the cause of opiate addiction because with Suboxone rising to popularity in the market, it also gained popularity on the streets being used recreationally.

As the DEA cracks down on opiate prescriptions, the recent problem is becoming Suboxone. With access to this medication being more easily given, it has become the drug of choice among most users. Regardless of what the DEA attempts to do, their strategies will always fall short among today’s society. We have become broken, systematically. The fundamental mindset is more concerned with the fun part, and not enough with the mental.

Posted in All About the Author, Uncategorized

Introduction of the Author

I’m a creative and expressive writer, a natural born Visionary. Aside from being a writer, I’m also a mother, a fiancé, a woman with a large heart, kindred spirit, and strong soul. Able to speak my mind through the works of my writing, hoping to bring relevant and relatable content to my readers.

Why do this?

  • To connect with others through logic, circumstance, and creativeness.
  • To offer a comprehensive outlook on my opinions, self-experiences, passions, thoughts, and viewpoints.
  • Hoping to appeal to others by pulling back the curtains, peeling back the layers, and holding nothing back!
  • Aiming to provide a platform for open discussion and relatable content to connect with others on a personal level.
  • My goal is to set a tone to my blogs that is informational, helpful, and an outlet for others to speak their truths without fear of judgment.

We live in a world that tends to sugarcoat the facts, shelter our right to free speech, and choose the concept of censorship. With so many things evolving, the one thing that seems to be failing is our ability to connect to others on a deeper level. Whether our freedom be feared or forgotten, it’s hardly practiced.

I want to introduce myself as a mother of 2 young daughters, a happily engaged woman whose been lucky enough to have found my soulmate, and someone who finds my way through words. I hope to replenish and renew hope itself, and create a blog that appeals to all.

I want to remind others of the fundamental foundation we as people are blessed with, and that’s the freedom to speak your mind! I plan to blog about a variety of topics, among those will be addiction, socialism, trending beauty & health tips, parenting, politics, religion, and spirituality.

Welcome everyone, from all walks of life. I am happy that for one reason or another you’ve come across my blog. I aim to connect with everyone, and ask in advance that everyone have an open mind, as we dive into some sensitive topics. By choosing to include my personal views or opinions of religion, politics, and personal experiences, I’m aware of how passionate some can become towards these topics. I just ask that this be a place where peace of mind is exercised, where judgment is left behind, and if you don’t agree with what I have to say then that’s fine, because you don’t have to. All I ask is that you kindly agree to disagree, and keep the negativity to yourself. Please acknowledge the difference between patronizing vs passion when it comes to expressing your thoughts and opinions.

As a beginner to blogging and WordPress, I’m learning as I go and will slowly begin updating my blog as I become more familiar with everything. Being a mother of 2 little girls is obviously where most of my focus and time goes, so I don’t get to write as many blogs as I’d like, but I try to write at every opportunity I’m given.

Once again, welcome everyone! Follow me along my journey from turning an idea into a goal, putting my thoughts into action as I build a brand. This won’t be a brand aimed towards the sole purpose of revenue, but a brand based on building upon honesty, communication, connection, and transferring my passions to paper… or to keyboard, I should say.

Unlimited conversation with no specific topics, mostly centered around my personal experiences, triumphs, losses, wins, weaknesses, strengths, and opinions. Hoping to strike a chord by my willingness to openly discuss some sensitive and uncomfortable issues, without a filter or mask. Bearing my soul, undressing my reality, and inscribing exactly what I feel, or have experienced.

Well, I guess I should include a couple things you might notice or find when it comes to my blogs.

  • A tendency to write long blogs due to my overly expressive nature. However, I tend to make my titles speak volumes, so you know exactly what you’ll find within that blog.
  • I consider myself a highly extroverted extreme introvert; a walking contradiction at times due to my paradoxical nature.
  • Honesty is the best policy; I can guarantee to always be truthful with my readers, and upholding the integrity of individuality.
  • I will put my best efforts into only adding validated resources, unless said otherwise.
  • I must warn that most of my content is for a mature audience, and will discuss topics such as sex, drugs, etc. and sometimes the use of profound language. I’m a pitty mouth, but I’m trying to work on it.

As i previously stated, I will add more to my site as I begin to lean along the way. I plan on creating a newsletter you can sign up for, as I hopefully grow a decent sized audience and support system. I’m open to constructive criticism, or preferably friendly pointers on any suggestions you may have.

Taking the advice of WordPress as I write this— just start writing, and worry about editing it later. As I’m sometimes plagued with writers block, it can be extremely frustrating when I have so much I would love to write about, but can’t even seem to find the right words. Then on the other hand, there’s those times when the thoughts are just flowing, but you don’t have time to write… another frustrating feeling!

However, I’m going to wrap this up. Not trying to babble on and bore anyone before they even get to the good stuff. Please, subscribe to my blogs, and a newsletter I will hopefully be bringing to you soon. Join me on this path to becoming a blogger, using WordPress as my current platform and hopefully growing from here.

Thank you.

Posted in Addiction, Bad Habits, Personal Experience

The Hurt of Help; Side Effects of Suboxone

I understood myself only after destroying myself. And while in the process of fixing myself, did I know who I really was.”

For over 10 years now, I’ve been on Suboxone therapy—not exactly much of a “therapy”. I will say, I’ve found Suboxone to be somewhat of a cure for the physical symptoms. However, it does absolutely nothing for Rehabilitation!

This medication is a crutch to get by with—a temporary solution to a permanent problem…. Meanwhile, The DEA & FDA refuse to deal with the Opiate Epidemic! having no issue misusing their authority to

When it comes to the DEA & FDA, I believe there’s major flaws and corruption within the task force, or organization. The Food & Drug Administration places far too many unnecessary restrictions. However, these organizations haves track record of authorizing clearance on dangerous and toxic substances.

Unfortunately, for some people the hurt lies in the help, the temptation in the treatment. While this therapy has helped many, it’s also hurt many as well. Let me begin by telling my story of addiction, and explain how I believe Suboxone is a double edged sword. Having some thin lines between crutch, cure, and cause…

As the saying goes, “Sometimes, you have to fight fire with fire.” In this case it would be fighting addiction with addictive. Anyone who has struggled with addiction, especially opiate addiction knows firsthand how terrible it is! I can’t think of a word that could even sum it up into just one, because opiate addiction comes with many words to be labeled as.

My addiction began without Internet or understanding what was to come, only taking a little over a week of recurrent methadone use to become physically dependent. Before I even had a chance to begin understanding what was happening, it was too late!

My habit began back when I was about 18 years old, now going on about 12 years ago. I began dating a guy who was prescribed “Methadone” for pain management due to a severe car crash he suffered on his way home from work a few years prior. Well, the guy happened to be a longtime friend of my aunt’s, he was about 10 years older than me, making him 28 at that time.

After a long, messy breakup from the mother of his 2 daughters, he had returned back to Michigan from Arizona, and dropped in to see say “hello” to my aunt. As he dropped in more frequently, it became apparent it was more about seeing me, and less about catching up with an old friend.

One night, out of boredom, my aunt and I decided to hangout with him, and after some heavy drinking he’d offered us a couple of his methadone pills. This had been the first time I’d ever taken an opiate that strong , but was already so intoxicated that I couldn’t tell you much about the effects. The next morning i had a hangover, and a severe headache, waking up at his apartment.

Because of my headache, he had offered me a couple more methadone, which is when I first realized it’s overly strong effects—as I was nauseous, puking in the toilet, and soon enjoying my first time ever sleeping so sound! As someone whose struggled with depression, anxiety, ADHD, PTSD, a little OCD, and bipolar—sleep had never come the easiest to me, often experiencing mania or restlessness. However, taking methadone, I could sleep for hours!

The first time I took methadone, I wasn’t thrilled about it other than the ability it gave me to sleep. Over the course of the next couple months, I’d developed a relationship with this guy, eventually moving in with him.

My opiate addiction started out with an intense want for methadone due to it’s effects I enjoyed such as good sleep, somehow a spike of energy it gave me, and an overall sense of feeling good. It was because of how good it made me feel that I began asking for it more. And within the course of taking it daily for a couple week period, is when the horror began!

It all became noticed this one time when he had ran out, and I found myself unable to take any methadone. During this time, I also found myself more restless than ever before, becoming extremely agitated that I was unable to get comfortable or fall asleep.

After an agonizing night of restless legs and body, tossing and turning without being able to sleep, still I had not put 2 & 2 together. It wasn’t until later that next day, when my ex gave me a couple “Morphine” pills he’d gotten, and I suddenly felt okay that I realized what was going on. I had become a unknowingly but willingly participant in my own opiate dependence!

Once I began to realize this, I was completely disappointed with myself because I knew this wasn’t going to be any kind of ordinary fight, or easy battle! Although, once I had experienced just a taste of not having opiates, I never wanted to be without them again! So it became a habit due to the enjoyment I felt when taking opiates, but also due to the discomfort I suffered when not taking them, and to avoid feeling that awful feeling at all costs.

As time began to go on, I was enjoying the high before ever considering the consequences. After being with my ex for a little over a year, he ended up going to prison for murder—which is a long story I will have to get into in another post—but once he went to prison I lost access to having opiates, and this is one the realization of what I’d gotten myself into had become apparent.

So here I was, not really chasing just a high anymore, but trying to subside the symptoms of opiate withdrawal—the sickness and pain that comes with it. Finally, I’d decided to join the “Suboxone Program” to avoid the sickness. And just like most addicts do, they’ll still continue to use when they can, but resort to treatment when they can’t. For about 2 years into Suboxone treatment I still continued to use opiates when available.

Then I’d been faced with being kicked out of my Dr office due to failure to comply with the program—maintaining clean urines, and keeping appointments since you’re only prescribed enough to last up until your following appointment. Not showing up to visits is pretty obvious you’re using, because when you feel that way you’re going to avoid it in any way you can—by keeping your Dr appointments when your medicine is due.

After enduring withdrawal for a few weeks, I’d finally found another Dr accepting my insurance for their Suboxone Program. However, being pregnant with my second child—high risk as it gets, especially with my first being born at only 23 weeks due to a hemorrhage, and incompetent cervix—this required me to take all preventative measures to avoid premature labor, which opiate withdrawal can cause.

With my first pregnancy, I was placed on the other brand of Suboxone, called “Subutex”, which is Buprenorphine, the main ingredient in Suboxone, along with Naloxene—the antagonist, an opiate blocker which is combined with the opiate, Buprenorphine to prevent it’s high-like effects. I was told there wasn’t enough research conducted on pregnant women taking Subutex. However, with Suboxone, the opiate blocker is said to have potential long-term effects.

Speaking of long-term effects, Suboxone carries it’s own list. Some effects aren’t listed on the drugs side effects, or they weren’t at the time I began taking Suboxone, since this medicine had been fairly new on the market. I will list the side effects in order of which they occurred, or were noticed…

  • Severe headaches—told the “Naloxene”, the opiate blocker can cause this from the way it enters the pain receptors in the brain.
  • An increase in acid reflux, which I’d had prior to taking the medicine but it became more frequent and severe.
  • An extremely premature labor with my first child, said to be the result of an antepartum hemorrhage and incompetent cervix. However, having to take a medication like this during pregnancy to avoid fetal withdrawal will always raise questions in my mind.
  • A sudden loss of enamel, and beginning of regular tooth decay. The decay begins from the inside of the tooth, starting at the gum line or root of tooth. This isn’t a reported side effect, but there’s many people dealing with the same consequences after taking Suboxone for a year or longer.
  • Weakening of your bones, joints, and muscles. Not sure if this is a reported side effect, but it seems to have been one for me.
  • Last but not least—chemical dependence. This is often given as a treatment to opiate dependence, but can also lead to physical dependence—because of it’s opiate properties from the Buprenorphine in it.

I’m sure there’s plenty of other side effects not listed, but this is what I’ve personally dealt with, or I’m dealing with now. Suboxone is similar to snake venom in the way that it possess the same chemicals—consisting of an opiate to treat opiate addiction. A way of treating withdrawal since methadone was first introduced for heroin detox and withdrawal.

Coming from someone whose taken both, I can’t really say which is worse because they’re both bad in the same way. However, Suboxone is advertised and pharmaceutically considered as a safer method to opiate addiction than Methadone. It’s said to have fewer side effects, but honestly I don’t notice a difference in neither. They are both long acting chemicals for the purpose of avoiding withdrawal.

The difference is that methadone is a synthetic opiate, while Suboxone consists of both an opiate protagonist and antagonist. With the combination of an opiate and opiate blocker, it binds to pain receptors to block out other opiates from being used in combination—leading to precipitated withdrawal if taken with an opiate. Since it basically blocks receptors, it will combat with any other opiates either taken before or after a certain time frame of taking the SUBOXONE itself.

It’s because of Suboxone’s long half-life in your body that makes it so effective, but for this same reason it also has it’s lasting side effects. Personally, it comes down to will and war—are you willing to wage war against your addiction? Only if you’re truly willing to stop using opiates. It comes down to a personal decision and a lot of soul searching.

Having an addiction is the biggest war you’ll probably ever face, because aside from the uncomfortable physical torment you experience, there’s a mental one, too. These substances cause so many chemicals in the brain to change, which is usually what leads to the addiction in the first place—that feel good kind of feeling, which leads to emotional warfare, extreme depression, and a disturbance in the brains chemistry.

Every poison has it’s purpose, but just remember; venom is toxic for a reason, because it’s deadly, but in the right hands it can become lifesaving in creating an antidote. Please, anyone who reads this, if you still have the chance to avoid chemical dependence, do it! One time of fun will forever be my biggest regret, and if I could take it all back then I would.

So please, learn to be a little more understanding towards those battling addiction—it’s not a choice, it’s a consequence. People don’t just wake up and decide to be drug addicts, things happen that lead them down this path. For most, it’s too late to take it all back, there’s no coming back because it took their life! If you know anyone who is battling addiction, my prayers go out to them. For those who sadly lost their battle, my heart goes out to their loved ones, and may they R.I.P

I will be attaching some links to this post about Suboxone, and some resources for those seeking help with their addiction. Be strong while you still have a chance to be, be willing before it’s too late for you!

Sometimes, it’s good to know you’re not alone, because having a support system can be the difference between help and hurt. I’m going to list a couple quotes I’ve found helpful during my struggle with addiction that helped me restore my faith.

  • God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”
  • “I’m grateful I struggled so much. Because if I hadn’t, I might never have become the empathetic and courageous person I am today.”
  • “The mentality and behavior of drug addicts and alcoholics is wholly irrational until you understand that they are completely powerless over their addiction and unless they have structured help, they have no hope.” -Russell Brand